Ma’am.

When does one officially become an adult? I mean, I know that technically, according to the US government, I’ve been an adult since I was 18. But obviously… I wasn’t. So at what point, when you tell someone your age, do they, without a doubt, consider you a GROWN UP?

It’s an interesting conundrum. Not only do I have conventional wisdom to consider, but also I’m the baby of the family (not only my immediate family, but extended as well, at least amongst the cousins). So I automatically have this “youngest” identity to contend with. I’m sure this will be something I’m most grateful for in years to come, but in the meantime it presents something of a challenge. I’m about to enter a time in my life (if I’m not already there) when I start to make the decisions that (at least I believe), define adulthood. I’m in a committed relationship, we’re going to move in together, we know that we will get married and have kids, I just started a job that I can see myself growing with. These things seem to me to be the kind of things that grown ups do.

So why do I feel like everyone’s laughing at me while I play dress up?

At what point would it be appropriate for me to make any of these decisions, in the eyes of society? I mean, a TON of kids I went to high school with are married with children, and have been for years. I look at them, and I’m baffled by how they could make those choices SO YOUNG. Did their families and friends throw rice one moment, and whisper to each other their doubts the next? Or was it just automatically accepted?

I’m sure this is some projection of my own insecurities, but it just feels like if I were to tell everyone tomorrow that I was engaged and starting a family, people would laugh. I’m sure my parents would rather I wait until I was in my 30s (and as far as kids go, that’s still the plan), but what if I’ve met the guy now? What difference is 4 years going to make? We’re sure of each other, and while I know there’s still much to learn about marriage, relationships, and my future husband, one thing I know for sure is that I can handle it. I know it in my bones.

Does that mean anything?

I guess I’m not really gonna find out until the phone call gets made (which, honestly, won’t be for a while, so don’t start freaking out yet). But, on the other hand, who cares? It’s my life, I know what’s up, so opinions be damned. 

Damn, I was hoping that would work.

I’m looking for a miracle

I’m trying to figure out a side business, something I can do to make some money during my off hours. I’m working part time, and as much as my job rocks (and it does), at this current point it doesn’t give me excess funds.

Something I can market online, since there’s so many good courses that I’m exposed to for growing a succussful online business. I just see myself with crazy money, living the good life with my man, buying every damn thing I want (I’m such an American). I’ve just had a feeling for the last 6 months or so that I’m on the verge of figuring this out, and becoming an entrepreneur.

So what the hell should I sell? I try to think about what I’m an expert at, what someone would say “I wish I had BLANK like you.” The only thing I can immediately think of is my singing (ie a voice teacher), but how do I sell that online? And beyond that, there’s a lot of music theory I don’t know, and I can’t play piano, so… yeah.

Some ideas that ran through my head:

• makeup tutorial videos (again, not so great for selling)
• personal cosmetics shopping and coaching (kinda specific, but that’s not bad)
• life coaching (haha) (plus there’s training…)
• image consulting (please don’t judge me by what I wear)
• public speaking (maybe coaching others? could put my acting training to use)
• Audition coaching (but why would someone pay for MY opinion?)

Do you have any ideas? What would you pay me to teach you? Exorbitant amounts of money, preferably?

Rich baby, what what?-

Deek

Update- The year of rocking

So here I am. I know you were so concerned.

 

My apartment in Astoria is great, so that’s good. Boyfriend is out of this world, and we may end up moving in with each other before too long (he can’t get enough of me and my awesomeness).

Not walking dogs anymore, in fact I have a banging new job which amazes me everyday with how COOL it is. It’s such a privilege to work at a company that cares for its employees, and gives back! I completely see myself working here for YEARS, and hopefully getting to learn more and more amazing things.

 

Also, life is rocking because I have become more involved with my church, Unity of New York. To be brief, the Unity movement is a metaphysical take on Christianity. It has allowed me to combine my passion for metaphysical study and the Law of Attraction with an earnest love of god, which I never knew I had. Of course, to me, god is not what a lot of people consider god to be. But that’s how I’m able to finally find a place where I can fit spirituality into my life… ANYWAY. I’m in the choir, Voices in Unity, and we recently had a big ass concert (which only happens every few years). We had so much extra rehearsal! Add into this that I was searching for employment earlier this year, so I had more free time to devote to study, and I was LIVING at Unity. And so many wonderful things have come out of me lately, and I know that it has something to do with the spiritual fulfillment I get there, and the new things I’m learning. Who knew that I would become such a fruitcake?!?

 

All in all, I just see so many cuckoo-bananas opportunities hanging there just beyond the horizon, and all I have to do is trust that they will come. At this moment I am setting myself up for SO MUCH GOOD. It’s amazing to be me… note to self, please remember all this at some point in the future.

 

Kthanxbye.

 

 

That’s a great idea Betsy!

Hello all-

Well, update time: I’m moving out of my crappy apartment in Astoria, to another apartment in Astoria. It’s gonna rock, because this time I can have visitors over, and I don’t have to live with a nasty hoarder! Loving life.

I have been dating a guy for about 5 months… and he is the bee’s knees. Seriously.

I’m going to be taking bookkeeping courses in February, so I can make the good money!

2012 is the year of getting my shit together. No more floundering. It’s going to be so fantastic, I can’t wait.

 

So I’m kicking ass, learning things, and loving everything about my boyfriend. I’m great, and so is the world.

This was a short post, but it’s all I need for now.

Kill da wabbit

Man, I’m feeling OK right now.

You know, if my left ear has decided to peace out of this show, then it deserves it. My left ear has heard some good shit over the last 25 years. I hope you come back, left ear, but until my doctor’s appointment tomorrow, I will wish you a happy vacation.

I’m just chilling in my studio, my second to last night before I get shuffled off to Astoria and my new shitty apartment, but I will enjoy it here. Peace, solitude, no buckets of hair.

PS, I love how white people have totally stolen that song.

Can you tell I’ve had 3 glasses of chablis?

I thought you were some kinda outer space potato man

Quite a day. I had an audition this morning for DIVA, a cabaret show at a gay bar (could there BE a better show for me?). I did pretty damn good, I sang The Man That Got Away (it was fun seeing the gays squealing and fanning themselves out of the corner of my eye), and a little bit of You And I (lady gaga, I totally need to get this song in my book!). They said they loved me, and asked whether I was available for the rehearsals/competition… Hope to hear from them soon. It would be so f-ing cool to compete for a spot in the show, and if I won, that would be major boss. Consistent work, and the opportunity to sing fantastic music. YAY.

 

Then I went to see 3 apartments. Now, it was HOT and HUMID today. and I was sporting a sequined mini dress and a full face o’ drag. I had brought clothes to change into, but I never really had the chance. So I walked around sweating my ass off, and hoping my butt wasn’t showing. I saw one in Astoria, one in Jackson Heights, and one around Rego Park. I decided to take the one in Astoria, because even tho it’s an older place with a slide-y door, the neighborhood more than makes up for it. Plus, I work a lot anyway, so I’ll just deal with it. I’m really glad to have this all taken care of, and to be moving back to my beloved Astoria.

So now the hard part: packing, cleaning, and moving. The only comfort I can find in times like this is this: It will all get done, because it has to.

Tomorrow I’m selling my guitar… it’s hard not to feel a sense of failure. I spent a bunch of money on it, and I learned a few chords. I was so excited about finally getting it, and I totally bitched out of putting in the hard work to learn how to play it properly. I’ve hung onto it for 2 years, just so I didn’t have to admit that I was never going to learn how to play it. But I need money pretty f-ing bad, so now I have to let my sweet ebony enchantress go. I hope that the girl who’s buying it gives it the attention and love it deserves… jeez, I feel like I’m giving away a kitten or something.

Goodbye, my darling.

Over a year later.

So what’s happened?

• 2 days after I wrote that last entry, I was fired from my accounting firm. For being a lazy bum. It was a vicious circle, I was being lazy because I felt unappreciated and that made me unhappy, they weren’t appreciating me because they could see I was unhappy. So they kicked me out. But they honestly were pretty nice about it, all things considered. They let me receive unemployment, even though they had fired me. And it turned out to be the kick in the ass i needed. I had all these plans to leave and start another line of work, but in September/October, and I got the chance to start them a month or so early.
• I went to and finished Chic Studios NYC, a fabulous makeup artist school in DUMBO. It was honestly one of the most fun months of my life, and not having a job made it a lot less stressful.
• I ended up going to work at Macy’s Herald Square, as a beauty advisor, in the new section called Impulse Beauty. It was good experience, even if the Macy’s machine was intolerable. I got tons of free shit.
• As Macy’s didn’t pay me a whole lot, and I had this studio in Staten Island all to myself, I got a side job as a dog walker, something I’ve always wanted to do. Most of my friends could tell you that when I see a cute dog, I pretty much fall to pieces. Now I get to play with them all the time. Plus I got over my aversion to poop.
• Things with the boyfriend got increasingly shitty. We just didn’t make each other happy, if we ever had. While he was and is a lovely person, it became clearer with every passing day that this was NOT going to work… but i stuck with it, as I am wont to do.
• I quit Macy’s, cuz that place was bullshit.
• I was able to apply some of my previous admin skills to the dog walking biz, and now I am my boss’ executive assistant, as it were. I handle the recording of invoices, money we receive, and I also schedule everyone’s walks. I actually got to do the first round of interviews the last time we hired someone new. My boss, Jesse, whom I see/talk to several times a day, is essentially my big brother now. It’s actually helped me learn to stand up for myself and speak my mind, because I know that no matter what I say or ask for, he isn’t going to resent me or hold it against me. So sometimes I tell him he’s retarded, and he listens to me. He has big plans for where he’d like the business to go, and who knows? This could end up being my legit job while I act on the side. In the meantime, I’m walking dogs like a mofo, sweating and looking gross 24/7.
• After a few attempts at breaking up/getting back together, the boyfriend became my ex. And after a couple of months of trying to be friends/whatever, we don’t really talk anymore. Sad. But incredibly necessary, and it’s done wonders for my mood and anxiety level. I wish him well, truly. Hopefully someday we’ll be cool.
• I’m going to be moving out of my studio in Staten Island, don’t know where yet, tho. Still looking, hopefully something in Astoria/Woodside/Jackson Heights. Wish me luck. Please.

So here I am, at 3:30 in the morning, reviving this blog. I woke up around 1 with an intense sugar craving, and I ended up having to go to the bodega up the street to buy ice cream or I was gonna lose it… I need a detox. But I’m like that, I usually wake up in the middle of the night, pee, and eat a 2nd dessert. Spare me the lectures, I know it’s dumb.

So anyway, I’ll be using this again, if only to unload all the clever phrases my brain comes up with throughout the day.

Stay Tuned. PARAGRAPH BREAK!